Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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