Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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