Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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