we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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