i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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