I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
