wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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