I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
