is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
