C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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