Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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