i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
