I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
