she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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