Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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