Just cropdusted the office
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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