you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
