i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
