Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
