tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
