The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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