You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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