a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
