Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
