Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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