dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
