All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
