so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
