do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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