I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
