I think I won the penis lottery.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
