She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
