he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
