you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
