At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
