The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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