what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
