You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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