I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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