epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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