I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
