Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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