Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
