i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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