I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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