dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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