When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
