The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
