i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
