There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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