Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
