We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
