he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
